Gillis Van Coninxloo, Landscape with the Judgement of Paris (Early 17th c). Giant Spectacle by Johann Bodin.
It's April Fool's Day - the day in which folks all over the world, or at least all over America, hurt each others' feelings and lose friends over stupid pranks and bad jokes.
My original plan was to post this under the fake title "A Bulletproof Argument for Banning Cyclonic Rift", but after consulting with one of our many EDH social media moderators, it became clear to me that folks are trying to decrease the amount of drama happening in our online communities, not increase it. With great effort I was able to stop myself from trolling you with a fake headline to see how many people would rail angrily against the headline without ever bothering to read the article.
So what is today's topic?
Today's post will be a fun romp through MTG Art that I'm hoping will put a smile on YOUR face.
The 30 Greatest Smiles in The History of Magic
Rather than focus on trolls and things that make us cranky, today I'm going to be focusing on things that make me happy. One thing that makes me happy is a simple smile. Today I'll be listing my picks for the 30 greatest smiles in the history of Magic The Gathering.
I am sure there will be lots and lots of cards I missed, but I hope you enjoy some of the ones I picked.
30. Legacy's Allure by Daren Bader
This card is one I've long tried to find a good use for, and a huge part of what drew me to it was the artwork. Also, it has treasure counters! I wanted it for my Vorel deck until I remembered that Vorel can't double counters on enchantments.
Look at that face! There are lots of goofy grins in the history of magic, and we can't possibly fit them all. Legacy's Allure is going to stand in for all of them and I think he does a mighty fine job starting off our list.
29. Chronatog Totem by Christopher Rush
If you want to see toothy grins, you should really look up Atogs.
I'm not really sure what they are, but I know that practically every Atog card I can ever remember seeing had a big, toothy, scary grin on its face.
I'm going with Chronatog Totem to represent all Atogs because it's always been my favorite Atog artwork. Maybe that's because it's less scary looking than many of the other Atogs. It's also the only Atog or Atog-related card I've ever owned, so that may have something to do with it.
It's just sitting there looking cool. Totally not about to eat your face. This is the Joe Cool of Atogs, possibly because it's really just a statue of an Atog, not a real, live, toothy, face-chomping Atog.
28. Joiner Adept by Heather Hudson
This is one elf druid you'll love to have smiling up at you when you're playing a 5-color or 4-color Commander deck.
Solve all your color generation issues, and do it in the form of a cute blonde elf who's more than willing to put her hand on your... well, the jokes just write themselves, now don't they?
27. Spitfire Handler by Jim Nelson
There are a lot of goblins with great smiles and this is just the first you'll see on my list. The sheer joy on Spitfire Handler's face at the fiery destruction he's wielding is what earned him this spot. Wait 'till Toggo sees this, indeed!
26. Young Pyromancer by Cynthia Sheppard
No list of smiles in Magic would be complete without this young fellow, and if you've played Red at all, you've probably built a deck with Young Pyromancer. I'm currently working on testing out a Niv-Mizzet deck that desperately wants to abuse Rite of Replication and Young Pyromancer is one of my prime targets for that spell.
Even the flavor text - Immolation is the sincerest form of flattery - kind of makes me smile.
25. Chandler by Douglas Shuler
I can't tell you how many times I've gone through old rare boxes and paused to consider building an EDH deck around this guy. Unfortunately, if I played Chandler, I would probably be unable to stop myself from constantly doing bad "Chandler from Friends" impressions. You know....
"Could I BE running a worse general in EDH?"
The emphasis is always on the third word.
"Could this GET any more annoying?"
This smile just wins on all levels. This character is oozing personality out of every pore. It's a great piece of character art for an old card, and there's no way I'd leave him out.
24. Grenzo, Dungeon Warden by Lucas Graciano
I told you we weren't done with goblins. Old Grenzo is definitely finding something pretty amusing. Given that he's a goblin and that he's a Dungeon Warden, there's every chance that it's something fairly twisted and macabre but maybe it's just a bad, bad joke.
"What did the prisoner say after we fed him nothing but asparagus for eight weeks?"
"It's not easy peeing green..."
23. Goblin Racketeer by Zoltan Boros
A great smile has as much to do with your eyes as it has to do with your mouth. This goblin isn't just happy to have found something shiny. There's something else going on here and you can tell that just from his eyes. "It, uh, fell off a cart?" Clearly he's trying to pass ill-gotten goods off as a legitimately obtained bauble.
Maybe he stole this music box.
Maybe it really did fall off a cart.
We'll never know, but the one thing we're sure of is that he desperately wants to avoid getting stuck in Grenzo's Dungeon having to listen to bad asparagus jokes.
22. Enlightened Tutor by Dan Frazier
Here's another smile that is, in part, communicated with the eyes. Daudi, Femeref Tutor, is in the middle of revealing something - probably an artifact or enchantment card - and he is very happy to be doing so. With age comes wisdom and with wisdom comes humor. Our friend Daudi isn't grinning like an idiot, he's happy for you and the wonders you are will be drawing into the next time you draw a card, and for that he earns a spot on our list.
21. Wort, The Raidmother by Dave Allsop
While Daudi may be old and wise, Wort is old and crazy. Looking at the little monsters she is surrounded with, we wonder if they are the source of both her amusement and her wacky smile. Was she crazy before the kids, or did they drive her to become the Wort we know and love? The lack of symmetry in her expression is a huge part of what makes this such a fantastic piece of artwork. There's a hint of malice, more than a hint of craziness, and the feeling that she, and her expression, are being pulled in a dozen different directions at the same time.
20. Mudbutton Clanger by Larry MacDougall
We're seeing a lot of goblins in our list but that's going to change soon.
Mudbutton Clanger's glee at being able to make a huge racket and attract the attention of other goblins or warriors is going to pump him up a little and tell us what's on the top of our library before we draw for turn. While Wort's smile is slightly disturbing, this fellow's is infectious. If only all of our cards were this excited to be played in our games of EDH.
19. Silas Renn, Seeker Adept by Joseph Meehan
Now that we're into our top 20, you're going to be seeing a lot more humans, but this guy isn't here because he's got an endearing smile. Silas Renn has the kind of Martin Shkreli smile that makes you just want to slap him. I don't mean a playful slap either. I mean the kind of slap that will be heard across the room and will remove that haughty I'm-smarter-than-you smirk from his face for a long time.
Maybe I'm alone in having this kind of reaction to Silas Renn and his slappable face, but any artwork on a Magic Card that can elicit that much of a reaction from me deserves to have a place on this list. Just not a high place. He'd only let it go to his head.
18. Liliana, the Last Hope by Anna Steinbauer
One could make a good argument that Liliana should be higher on this list. You're not wrong, but this Lili will sit here at number 18, looking elegant and proud as she shows off her latest army of zombies. She has the confident smile of a beauty pageant contestant, firm in the knowledge that she - and her zombies - have a pretty good chance of winning at the end of the day. It's a smile that is also a dare, and you know she can back it up because she's Liliana. Don't worry - you'll see her again later on.
17. Kruin Outlaw by David Rapoza
This smile is about anticipation. Blood is going to flow. Violence is going to happen. Adrenaline is pumping. Hearts are beating faster. In just another moment, tensed muscles and steely nerves will spring into action, and our Kruin Outlaw is loving every second of it.
This is the best part after all, right before the trap is sprung. The quiet in the air is timeless. The screams and sounds of cold iron plunging through cloak and garments, skin and bone are good too, but nothing is quite like the pause before she strikes, and that always brings a smile to her face.
16. Jaya Ballard, Task Mage by Matt Cavotta
I'm a huge fan of the film Good Will Hunting, so when I look at Jaya Ballard, I see Minnie Driver. I also have a soft spot for asymmetric smiles, and Jaya has that little trick down pat. Her skintight suit doesn't hurt either, but her crooked smile is what earned her a spot halfway up our list. I'm not even going to ask where she put that finger, but I do hope she washes up before her next meal... I'm guessing whatever that blue stuff is - it probably isn't safe for human consumption.
15. Kari Zev's Expertise by Jason Rainville
If I were sitting at the prow of an airship, flying at reckless speed into battle with the wind in my face, I am guessing that I would be squinting just a little bit too. I'd probably also be smiling. This is one of those wonderful action shots, taken from an unexpected angle, that makes for a fantastic piece of card art.
14. Tibalt, the Fiend Blooded by Chase Stone
If any card on this list has a truly fiendish grin, Tibalt, the Fiend Blooded is the one. The other Tibalt card has a pretty good grin as well, but it has some odd placement of his horns that I find distracting. This one is pretty much perfect. He also has a fantastic fashion sense. It's a pity his abilities aren't better. A limit break that can be thwarted by a simple Fog for one green is underwhelming at best, but that smile is enough to get him into today's list of smiles.
13. Alley Evasion by Scott Murphy
This is another one of those beautiful action shots where the character's smile really conveys how much she loves the thrill of the chase. She's done this a dozen times, and it never gets old. She's too clever for you, she's too fast for you and she knows it.
12. Saheeli Rai by Willian Murai
I'll be the first to admit I have a lifelong weakness for saucy Indian women. Saheeli Rai had me at "hello". What I love about Saheeli's smile is that it is understated, and again - it's just the tiniest bit asymmetrical. Not Wort The Raidmother crooked, but just enough to make it the tiniest bit quizzical. Maybe callling her saucy is a bit of an overstatement, but I do still love her smile.
11. Pia Nalaar by Eric Deschamps
Contentment. Satisfaction. Pia Nalaar has a look on her face that tells us that at least right now, everything is OK in her life. That's what I take away from this picture, and again - the subtlety of her expression is what really does it for me.
10. Macabre Waltz by Willian Murai
Liliana is back and this time she's in a dancing mood. Again, her smile is understated works perfectly in the scene of this card. I think what puts this above the earlier Lili is that she seems just a little bit happier here.
9. Ghoulcaller Gisa by Karla Ortiz
Lili has a healthy dose of crazy, but Ghoulcaller Gisa takes it to the next level, and you can see it in her smile. Where Lili bears a grin, Gisa is clearly having a fantastic time. Messing around with corpses is the clearly her favorite pasttime. Her body language and head tilt are probably what put this card art just above Macabre Waltz, but the two are both fantastic pieces.
8. Madcap Skills by Anthony Palumbo
I know, I know... it's actually somewhat challenging to not just stare at this dude's abs. I'm not even that into abs and I find them hard not to look at. If his abs are fine, the expression on this guy's face is even finer. His eyebrows, his cheeks, his entire face is involved in the look he is giving, and the result is a fantastic card and a fantastic smile.
7. Marchesa, the Black Rose by Matt Stewart
You knew Queen Marchesa would be on this list. This is one of those paintings like Blood Artist that at first glance is pretty good, and upon closer examination proves to be one of the best pieces of Magic Card art you'll ever find. The picture tells a story, and the smile on our good Queen's face works perfectly to complete the scene.
6. Kaya, Ghost Assassin by Chris Rallis
This is one of the most amazing pieces of art I have ever seen on a Magic card. It is nearly photorealistic, and Kaya is wearing the most amazing smile. It is understated and again, just the slightest bit crooked. Something's on her mind, and I would just love to know what it is.
5. Chandra, Flamecaller by Jason Rainville
Chandra was going to show up on our list eventually. She's a huge part of the Magic story and this card shows her in her full glory. While lots of cards show her as fierce, today's post is about smiling faces and this is one of the best. It's a youthful and joyous smile and I love it.
4. Diabolic Tutor by Greg Staples
This might be the greatest smile in Magic history. The quiet malevolence in this man's grin perfectly matches the slight sunkenness of his eyes. He's making a deal and someone is probably going to have to die because of it. It's an amazing piece of art, but someone managed to do it one better.
3. Diabolic Tutor by Marc Winters
I already liked Chandra before they released this card. I still have a lot of love for the old Diabolic Tutor, but when forced to choose between malevolent and saucy, I will choose saucy every single time. The flavor text doesn't hurt either. Show them. Show them how hot your fire can burn.
I can't be the only one to willfully misinterpret the true meaning of the sweet nothings Liliana whispered into Chandra's ear...
2. Squee, Goblin Nabob by Greg Staples
I love this art so much, I had a playmat made of it so no matter how bad a game of EDH might be going, I could always look down at the sweet, sweet smile of Squee. He loves his bauble more than I've probably ever loved anything in my entire life. His smile starts at his mouth, goes up through his cheeks and his eyes and eyebrows and goes all the way to the tips of his ears. I'm not sure there has ever been a happier Goblin.
1. Blessed Wine by Kaja Foglio
A job well done.
A long blog post carefully written, reviewed, edited, illustrated, posted and shared to various online social media platforms.
A year of EDH league run, with dozens and dozens of players involved and thousands of points tallied, and the glory of having amassed a respectable number of points myself.
My final pick for Best Smile in the history of Magic cards is not one I would not have anticipated prior to starting work on this list.
I would have guessed that Squee would have been my top pick, or possibly either one of the Diabolic Tutors.
I would have easily believed another card - maybe Kaya - might have earned the top spot after I had gone through all of my options.
I'm not an old man, but I'm closer to 50 than I am to 40. I've accomplished quite a bit in the various communities I've called home over the years, and those accomplishments always involved many hours of planning and hard work and a keen and unrelenting focus on trying to make the community a better place for everyone in it.
EDH is no different, and my sincere hope is that the time I spend running an EDH league and writing these posts in some way makes the community of EDH players a better place.
I also love stained glass, and I have certainly been known to enjoy a glass of wine to celebrate having done something great or even just to finish off long day.
This art speaks to me in ways none of the other cards do, and for that reason it is my top pick.
It's understated. It's sublime. It's peaceful. The character's smile extends to his cheeks and you can even see the crinkles at the corners of his eyes.
It is, at least for today, my favorite smile in the history of Magic the Gathering.
Final Thoughts
No one person's list of cards will match someone else's, and if I went back through this I'm sure I would find cards to switch around here and there. I'm also sure there are cards I missed along the way, either because of my relative newness to the game or just forgetfulness as I throw these posts together in only a matter of a few days.
In retrospect, I'm a little stunned I didn't find anything by Phil Foglio, as I grew up reading Dragon Magazine in the 1980's and loved his work back then. Finding his art on Magic cards 20 years later was a surprise and a delight, but none of his always whimsical cards made the list.
If you came to this post via a Facebook or Reddit post, I'd love to see what you would have picked or what cards I missed along the way.
Did any of these put a smile on your face?
Thank me by posting a Magic card with a smile on it somewhere in the comment thread of the social media platform where you found the link to this page.
If you came here because you're a subscriber, well, that's even more amazing and I thank you for your support!
If you want to share your top 10, have at it!
Thanks as always for reading and we'll see you next week!
Join the Conversation
If you'd like to join the conversation on Reddit, post a smile that I missed in my list, or give us your top 10: